Self-deception & Competing commitments.
The hero’s journey towards independence and connection with one's inner spirit, and the resistance to change.
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off, how many are left on the log?
Everyone is given a chance to embark on a hero's journey, and the consciousness of this individual journey is increasing globally. People are assuming responsibility for their own wisdom and journey like never before. The timeless appeal of "The Wizard of Oz" movie reflects this. The Oz books by Frank L. Baum, which captivated me as a child, still attract people because they symbolize the journey we all undertake - from complete reliance on others to thrilling independence and connection with one's inner spirit.
The journey along the Yellow Brick Road symbolizes everyone's journey in life, where we often spend many years searching for someone to give us the wisdom, courage, and heart we need. However, as the wizard in the movie tells Dorothy and her friends, these qualities already reside within us. Our journey starts from the moment we are born when we are completely dependent on others. Our first step towards independence is when we physically separate from our mother's body. The second stage is when we leave home and venture into the world to support ourselves. Some people may find this part of the journey so daunting that they seek to return to dependence, for instance, by finding a partner to rely on emotionally. Nevertheless, this kind of dependence is unsustainable, as no mortal can fully fulfill it. However, if we can grasp that our journey toward independence is ongoing and that there are more stages and advancements ahead, we can embrace the joy of self-discovery and evolution. Just as we must personally discover how to swim or ride a bicycle, the same is true for the wisdom of staying on our journey.
Working with a client for a short period, I assisted him in creating a clear vision of the type of relationship and life partner he desired. I had personally undergone this process with great success, leading to my own marriage. During our work together, the client shared his repeated failures in starting new relationships. Further exploration uncovered that, despite being divorced for several years, he still regularly saw his ex-wife, viewing it as a comfortable temporary arrangement. They stated a desire to end this "when they start a new relationship".
This is a prime example of self-deception and competing commitments and the root cause of their inability to find peace in a committed relationship.
A man used to visit a pub after work and order three glasses of whiskey. He would sit in silence and drink them all. Over time, he became a regular and the bartender would automatically prepare three glasses for him. However, the bartender became curious and asked the man why he always ordered three glasses instead of just one larger one. The man explained that he had two brothers and they used to go to a pub together after work, drink a glass of whiskey each, and catch up on each other's lives. However, due to their current global locations, they agreed to each go to a pub and drink three glasses of whiskey at their respective local times to stay connected. The bartender understood, even though it was strange. For a while, the man continued this routine until one day, he asked for only two glasses. The next day, he only asked for two glasses again, and the same went on. The bartender was filled with curiosity but hesitated to ask, uncertain of the answer he might receive. The bartender finally mustered up the courage to ask the person, "Excuse me, I understand if this is none of my business, but you shared a story with me about your brothers and now you're only drinking from two glasses. Can you tell me what happened?" The person replied, "I quit drinking."
This shows how self-deception and competing commitments can be a strong influence on people's actions. Often, we believe we are acting in a certain way, but there is a hidden, deeper reason hindering our ability to fulfill our desired objectives.
My role is to uncover these hidden motivations and bring them to the forefront during our impactful working sessions.
The presumptive and perhaps obvious or optimistic answer about how many frogs are left on the log would be one. But the answer is five because deciding to jump off is different from committing, taking action and jumping!
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