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Hidden Growth: Understanding the Invisible Journey to Manhood - Part 2

Unveiling some common behavioral patterns can shed light on the intricacies of this journey.



As a core mentor I walk alongside men through their growth journeys. I frequently encounter clients wrestling with the complex transition from boyhood to manhood. This critical transformation embodies the notion of the adult/adolescent: the youthful, yet maturing reflection that each man confronts in the mirror, brimming with questions, internal conflict and an earnest desire for resolution.


In a prior insight, "Hidden Growth: Understanding the Invisible Journey to Manhood – part 1", we showed the importance of this journey, emphasizing the role of significant initiation rites in navigating this intricate transition. We will now build on this foundation with a closer look at the myriad of struggles often faced by men, drawing on the compelling insights from Michael Gurian's seminal work "The Invisible Presence".


Gurian presents a disquieting observation: uninitiated boys often carry into adulthood a deep, pervasive fear of life, manifesting in various psychological and behavioral patterns. These range from a frantic urgency to establish their manhood to an aversion to introspection and personal reflection. Such patterns illustrate the ongoing struggle with unresolved identities and the profound uncertainties they entail.


The genesis of this crisis is frequently found in an insufficient separation from the mother figure and an absence of guidance on what it means to be a man from father figures or male mentors. This predicament can lead to a state of 'adult adolescence', where grown men remain ensnared in their adolescent fears and insecurities, stunting their emotional growth and ability to forge healthy, mature relationships.


According to Gurian, a vital step towards overcoming these challenges involves confronting our fears head-on, particularly those rooted in our maternal relationships. This process facilitates defining personal boundaries, distinguishing between feminine and masculine aspects without negating either's value and catalyzing a journey towards self-discovery.


The importance of the rites of passage may seem obscure in our modern, fast-paced society. Still, their absence yields profound implications. Recognizing the influence of these psychological transitions on an individual's identity and personal growth is critical.


A deep comprehension of the journey from boyhood to manhood allows us to grasp the crucial roles of mother separation, father attachment, mentorship and self-discovery in shaping a man's identity. By supporting these processes we can foster healthier relationships, emotional wellbeing and a more harmonious society.


Unveiling some common behavioral patterns can shed light on the intricacies of this journey:


1. An intense need to prove manhood, especially in the presence of other males or females perceived as superior.

2. Unnecessary risk-taking as a display of fearlessness.

3. Over-prioritising professional accomplishments at the expense of personal relationships.

4. Addiction to work, substances or unhealthy relationships.

5. A cycle of intense longing and fear in relationships, often leading to premature sharing of intimate secrets and the subsequent regret of such actions.

6. Difficulty committing to intimate relationships.

7. Fear of being misunderstood, causing frequent explanations of emotional reactions.

8. Struggle with bringing closure to relationships.

9. Childlike reactions to criticism, resulting in fear of rejection.

10. Tendencies to either accept or deflect blame entirely for relationship problems.

11. Avoidance of solitude and opportunities for self-reflection.


These tendencies suggest a lack of initiation into manhood, signaling an inherent fear of life, a struggle to develop a robust personal vision and a continued adherence to adolescent patterns, especially concerning maternal figures.


As a mentor, my role is to stand beside men as they navigate these pivotal transitions. Inspired by Gurian's work, I strive to address the struggles of men who, despite their professional achievements and familial responsibilities, grapple with personal hurdles rooted in an incomplete journey from boyhood to manhood. I am committed to helping these individuals understand and harness the transformative potential of a successful initiation process.


In the following weeks I will delve deeper into each stage of this journey, presenting practical ways to support men through these transitions. The goal is to provide support to those wrestling with their identities, like the boy/man in the mirror, seeking their place in the world. Stay tuned.




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