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I stop chasing being who I am!

During one of our powerful working sessions, one of the top entrepreneurs I work with, who is much more intelligent than I am, and much wealthier than me, shared something that haunted him. He had failed to keep a promise to his ten-year-old child. He had promised to take the child for a go-kart experience on a Sunday afternoon but ended up appearing on a live TV interview about entrepreneurship instead. Similarly, he had missed his child's yellow belt graduation in karate due to a brainstorming session for his latest Startup. He acknowledged his unhappiness about not keeping his promises but stated "I got to be me!"


One of the most common things that people I work with, think, feel, and do, the thing that is meant to keep them away from their well-being, evolution, growth, and social contribution is the misapplied loyalty they have towards their personalities. That causes them a significant amount of suffering and confusion throughout their lives.


Those people are the victims that remain convinced that they are nouns: things, permanent things. Buckminster Fuller said it best: “I seem to be a verb.” By doing this, he reveals the secret of human potential.


When I work with high performers, I offer them the possibility to see that they can choose to be a verb. A pure action word. A pure action human being. The “me” (personality) is actually a matter of choice.


The belief of a fixed personality is an illusion, as we possess the ability to change it at will, to our heart’s desire. When your children inform you that a representative from the IRS is at the door, a distinct version of yourself emerges to handle the situation. However, if he were to tell you that a celebrity like Jennifer Lopez was visiting, a completely different version of yourself would appear. This is because our perceived personality is simply a culmination of our past actions and habits. What victims call personality is just a history of habits.

The human brain can accomplish incredible things when faced with adversity. As a biological computer, it is almost like magic. It will develop coping mechanisms and call them a personality.


One of the crucial aspects to consider is the ability to select the type of 'me' (personality) we want to embody in various situations. I asked him, why do we admire actors like Robert De Niro in The Godfather, Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady, or the raw life energy and spirit that Leonardo Di Caprio displayed in Titanic? It is because we truly appreciate the way these actors can bring a “different me” (personality) to life on screen for each of those films.

Victims seem to be caught in a cycle of avoiding situations and problems, believing this will lead to less misery in their lives. However, this avoidance only leads to further negative consequences, such as a decrease in self-esteem and self-respect. The primary concern for victims is often the fear of embarrassment, as they constantly worry about what others will think of them. Unfortunately, this mindset prevents them from realizing their true potential and discovering the strength and resilience of their inner spirit.


Victims will break any commitment to keep their personality. The key is to change the personality on the spot to keep commitments.


Well-being is achieved when we stop striving so hard to be ourselves and the same is true for joy. We are content when we are growing. To truly experience joy, we must engage in something unfamiliar. We cannot find joy in the mundane, it comes from stepping out of our comfort zone and expanding who we are, becoming someone, we have never been before.


Children instinctively know where to find joy. In new and challenging experiences. The child's exclamation of "Look Mom, no hands!" illustrates their desire for something new and exciting, beyond just riding the bike. They are seeking joy in trying something different.

There is nothing more joyful than a child exclaiming: "I did it!" because they have accomplished something new. As adults, we often forget that joy comes from doing and not just feeling. We begin to rely on others to make us happy and lose touch with what brings us joy. We can even program ourselves to avoid joy by seeking a comfortable and secure existence instead of embracing challenges and growth. When we do this, we lose the essence of joy and well-being.

Finding security is like settling on a permanent personality to live inside.


“Look, Mom. No joy!”


Almost at the end of our powerful working session, he inquired about identifying circumstances for adopting a different "me" (personality). Before we explore it dawned on me that he understood. He successfully unlocked one of the keys to reaching his greatest potential.


The more we grow, the more fulfilled we feel.

Wellbeing is a by-product of self-improvement!


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