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I broke free from the Mr. Nice Guy syndrome.

I've always felt the need to hide my perceived flaws and mistakes, fearing that others would get angry, shame me, or abandon me if they knew the truth. I constantly searched for the "right" way to do things, convinced that there must be a key to having a happy, problem-free life. In my quest for perfection I learned to repress my feelings, analyzing instead of experiencing my emotions.

Ever since I was a child, I've had a strong competitive spirit. I took part in and won numerous competitions, ranging from downhill biking and alpine skiing to dance contests, rally cross, hill climbing, and ultimately rally competitions. This competitive streak helped me develop a robust ego and achieve moderate success in various aspects of my life. I thought this success should have brought me happiness, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing.

The missing piece became most apparent in my personal life, particularly when it came to building relationships with the goal of starting a family. I found myself struggling with a painful situation that I couldn't seem to overcome, and it felt like I was trapped in an endless cycle of frustration.

Seeking a way out of this emotional hamster wheel I decided to work with a mentor towards personal growth and self-improvement. By doing so I aimed to not only gain clarity about my struggles but also learn how to break free from the limitations that were holding me back in both my personal and professional life.

The first thing that comes to my mind when I look back on my life is that I fit the model of a Nice Guy. Growing up I always felt the need to give to others, believing that my generosity would make me more lovable and appreciated. Whenever someone faced a problem or needed help I'd quickly jump in to fix the situation, even without being asked. I spent my days seeking validation and approval from others, carefully crafting my words and actions to avoid conflict and keep my world smooth.

I've always felt the need to hide my perceived flaws and mistakes, fearing that others would get angry, shame me, or abandon me if they knew the truth. I constantly searched for the "right" way to do things, convinced that there must be a key to having a happy, problem-free life. In my quest for perfection I learned to repress my feelings, analyzing instead of experiencing my emotions.

Between the age of 14 and 21, the time when a powerful male role model is most important, my father was emotionally unavailable and I made it my mission to be different from him. I was raised mainly by women, including my grandmother, my aunt, my kindergarten teacher, numerous high school and college teachers, tutors, and others. This upbringing led me to become more comfortable relating to women than men. I sought their approval and tried to prove that I was not like "other" men who were selfish, angry, or abusive.

I struggled to make my needs a priority, believing that putting others first was the virtuous thing to do. This extended to my intimate relationships, where I made my partner the emotional center of my life. I would only feel happy if my partner was happy, pouring my energy into our relationship to ensure their contentment.

As I acknowledged these characteristics within myself I understood that I had to work on overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome if I was to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

As a Nice Guy, I often found myself asking, "What's wrong with being a nice guy?" It wasn't until I took a deeper look into my behavior and beliefs that I started to understand the issues associated with the Nice Guy Syndrome. Despite my intentions, my actions were anything but nice.

I was dishonest, hiding my mistakes and avoiding conflict. I would say what I thought others wanted to hear and repress my true feelings. My need for approval led me to be secretive, hiding anything I thought might upset others. I compartmentalized my life, creating separate mental boxes for different aspects of my behavior, making it easy to justify contradictions.

As a Nice Guy I was manipulative, struggling to make my needs a priority, and resorting to indirect ways to get what I wanted. My need for a smooth world led me to be controlling, trying to influence the people and situations around me. My generosity had hidden expectations; I would give to get, feeling frustrated when my efforts weren't reciprocated.

I exhibited passive-aggressive behaviors, expressing my frustration and resentment indirectly. Bottling up my emotions led to repressed rage, which would erupt unexpectedly. I turned to addictive behaviors to relieve stress and cope with pain. Setting boundaries was difficult for me, making me feel like a helpless victim.

Despite my desire for connection, I found myself isolated, as my behaviors made it difficult for people to truly get close to me. I was drawn to people and situations that needed fixing, a result of my childhood conditioning and need for approval. This led me to spend most of my time managing crises rather than focusing on my own growth.

My relationships were often a source of struggle and frustration. I was a poor listener, more focused on defending myself or fixing the problem than truly hearing the other person. My fear of conflict led to dishonesty and avoidance. I often sought out "projects" in my relationships, only to blame my partner when they didn't meet my expectations.

While I was moderately successful in my life, I never fully reached my potential, always held back by the beliefs and behaviors of the Nice Guy Syndrome.

Recognizing these issues, I understood that I needed to confront and overcome the Nice Guy Syndrome in order to live a more authentic, fulfilling life, so I discovered Dr. Robert Glover: The World's Leading Expert on the Nice Guy Syndrome.

Dr. Robert Glover is a renowned authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome, dedicating his life and career to helping men break free from this pattern and achieve fulfilling relationships and personal success. Drawing from his own experiences and extensive work with Nice Guys, Dr. Glover has created numerous resources, including his groundbreaking book "No More Mr. Nice Guy!". This comprehensive text delves into Dr. Glover's background, expertise, and contributions to the field.

The Nice Guy Syndrome is a result of dramatic social changes and shifting family dynamics over the past five decades. By understanding the root causes and consequences of this phenomenon, men can begin their journey to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome and start getting what they truly want in love and life.

I use Dr. Glover's work as a tool when working with high-achievers, primarily because I have personally recovered from the Nice Guy Syndrome, and secondly because a significant percentage of the men I work with face the same issue - it is a widespread social problem.

I was recently working with a man who understood the Nice Guy Syndrome and even recognized it in others, offering advice about it. However, he failed to see that his own actions were still governed by this syndrome. He was postponing a crucial decision in his life due to concerns about how people would perceive him afterward. At the same time he desperately tried to change external factors to justify his decision, hoping no one would blame him later. Consequently, he failed to take charge of his life and let external circumstances dictate his direction.

With my ability to see what most people cannot and my willingness to say what most wouldn't dare I offered him a different perspective on his reality. He was surprised to discover that he was still under the influence of the Nice Guy Syndrome. His struggle involved deciding whether to leave a toxic relationship or continue with it. He delayed the decision, creating situations to blame his partner, hoping that once she made a mistake the decision would become obvious. He failed to recognize his attempts to appear "nice" by setting traps for his partner.

After revealing the root of his struggle I helped him find a meaningful reason that would make the decision easier. The meaningful purpose in question was the well-being of his children, who were suffering in the current toxic relationship. He failed to recognize this even though it seemed obvious.

He now had two choices: recover from the Nice Guy Syndrome with his partner and make the relationship work, or separate and pursue different paths. Regardless of the path he chooses, his primary focus is on being a good father. Recovering from the Nice Guy Syndrome will help him achieve this goal, particularly because he has three boys. The decision of whether or not to continue with the current relationship will follow naturally.

This is because a recovering Nice Guy will seek a strong, independent woman instead of a needy one. Either his wife will understand and join the process, growing together, or she will not keep up the pace, and in this case, the significant differences will eventually cause the relationship to break.

This insight emerged from my work with a particular client, but in my experience, I've used the same tool when working with women, as the main characteristics still apply. For instance, a woman who lacks a strong masculine role model in her life, particularly between the ages of 14 and 21, may seek a partner who has not fully matured into a responsible adult. This dynamic can be observed in couples regardless of their marital status or sexual orientation.

My pledge is to stand by his side throughout the journey and I have complete faith in him.

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